THANK YOU INTERNET: Moonwalk Video Bomb

The best 9 seconds you'll spend all day.


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Who Wants to Go With Me and Look at a Bunch of Teresa's Tacky-Ass Furniture Being Auctioned Off?

Friendships. This will be the auction to end all New Jersey Housewives that are currently filing for bankruptcy auctions! And everything must go. Now, I'm no bankruptcy expert because I'm very good at managing the 73 cents that sits in the cupholder of my car so I don't really know much about the process of having all your possessions sold off in a fire sale. But, I can definitely assume it's going to be exactly like how I picture every auction in my mind - a portly gentleman in suspenders and a straw hat, sweating, as he rapidly spouts off auction items and bidding prices while the audience, all dressed in their Sunday best hold up signs on popsicle sticks to bid. It will also take place outside. There's a gazebo somewhere.

Anyway, you can check out the entire list of auction items here - all THIRTEEN PAGES of them. Or you can check out some of my choice favies after the break.

**EXCLUSIVE** Speaking of Animal Hoarders...

First off, read the post below. It will prepare you for this the following. Earlier this week, a woman living in my current state of residence not to be confused with my home state agreed to fork over $60,000 five zeros! in animal cruelty charges. That's a lot of monies! What on earth could she have done to accrue that much in monies owed?

SHE HAD OVER 800 BIRDS IN HER HOME NEARLY HALF OF WHICH WERE DEAD...

What in the Marahute-saved-the-boy-hell is this?! Eight HUNDRED birds!? Gross lady. Gross. Just read this jimpit from NJ.com:

A Belleville woman has agreed to pay $60,000 and seek psychological counseling in connection with animal cruelty charges leveled in March after 375 dead exotic birds and 460 live ones were found in her home.


"We initially had filed 5,000 counts of animal cruelty. When our guys walked into the house, it looked like there was snow on the ground with all the feathers, bird droppings and dead birds," said Matt Stanton, a spokesman for the SPCA, adding that the odors were nearly unbearable.

Straight up. This is disgusting. Vom-inducing. 375 dead birds? That's more dead birds than I'll ever see in my life and I eat a lot of chicken. Just imagine that smell. Have you ever smelled a chicken coop in the summer? Now, dead that up a little bit. It's gotta be close?

I'm happy to be able to provide you all with some totally legit EXCLUSIVE pictures from this ladies house. Be prepared, they're rather shocking. Take a look after the jump...

Confessions: Animal Hoarding S01E01 - The Show I've Always Wanted

Friendships... let's talk about Confessions: Animal Hoarding right now.  It premiered last night on Animal Planet and is just the show that I've been waiting for since Obsessed did a season finale special on hoarding which became a spin-off show called Hoarders which occasionally has animal hoarders (always cats gross).

This show, is everything you'd expect from someone that hoards pets, but with more pets.

Last night's episode featured two pet savers - Bonnie, who at one time had over 100 dogs which the county eventually seized, but is now working on growing her collection again - and Don, who has 30 cats which prevents his wife of 16 years from living in the home because of the fact that there are 30 effing cats pissing and sh*tting everywhere.

the Christmas tree is made of dog feces

Let's get this one outta the way... Bonnie is a lost cause. She lives with her mom who's a walking dead person and her son who's a walking virgin. Bonnie, unsurprisingly walks very little. She now only has eight dogs which is a far cry from her ONE HUNDRED that she owned before the county got real with her. Eight seems pretty reasonable for a hoarder. The problem with Bonnie though, was she NEVER LET HER DOGS OUTSIDE. Her house was a piss palace. She was afraid that if her "babies" of course went outside, the immediate outcome would be RUN OVER BY CARS. dead. So, the sh*t storm that was her house, was actually a storm of sh*t inside her house. Bonnie, being too fat lazy broken disabled to bend over and pick it up, uses a pooper scooper on a pole. On her carpet. She scrapes (read: smears) dog turds on her carpet with a fancy rake.

When given the chance at help, Bonnie didn't want it. She refused to give up her dogs. She refused to take them to a vet to get the necessary medical attention they needed to not have that gross slime-eye thing that dirty pets get. And she almost refused to let a vet come in and treat them. Ultimately though, her niece and a specialist won out. They got a vet to come in and remove the slime-eye and they had a doggy door installed - to which Bonnie almost lost it when the dogs enjoyed being able to poop in a place that didn't smell like the inside of Bonnie's house.

Don on the other hand, seemed to actually want his life back.  More on Don after the jump, plus the most disgusting picture of a couch you will ever throw up on your computer monitor over.

Hey! A Cute Video of Stacy "Fergalicious" Ferguson When She Was Little Singing on Kids Incorporated and She...Wait, What the EFF IS THAT!?

Just wait for the :40 mark.  Poor Fergie.  Guess we know why this happens now.



thanks Sarah


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Lucky Fox

I just like what the fox's face looks like while it's ENORMOUS head is stuck in that chain link fence. Plus, being spoon-fed ice cream until you decide to pull your ENORMOUS head out wouldn't be such a bad way to spend a sunny afternoon.


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Howard? Is That You?

 THOSE LIPS!

Lindsay Lohan's newest mugshot from earlier today via TMZ.




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The Goonies 'r' Good Enough is Good Enough

 Friendships, let's please not get me started on the tremendous impact that The Goonies had on my childhood and pop culture, let's not even get me started.  There's not enough blog space here for me to express my gratitude nor is there enough time in a day for me to write it all down.  I write in day-sized increments.

Back when fun began, when The Goonies was first released in theaters, there was a video game based on the movie that was never released in America. And! There was even a sequel to that game not based on the sequel to the movie because it was never made that was released in America!  Confusions!

Well now, to celebrate the 25th Anniversary of The Goonies (movie), some video game developer has spent the last four years building an all new Goonies game for us all to play...  ...if you have the MSX home computer which not a single person on this planet currently owns because duh, technology.

But you can watch a fun little trailer for it after the jump. Or just drag the little thing over to the 2:14 mark to hear the best version of Cyndi Lauper's Goonies 'R' Good Enough you've ever heard.  Chills.

LET'S WATCH: Sharktopus Trailer

That is all.



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TEN(!) Videos of Child Pole Dancers

Friendships, did you read the story about the 15-year-old girl that was busted stripping at a strip club... for the second time the first being last year when she was only 14?  It's basically worst in every way.

An underage girl found dancing at a strip bar earlier this year was caught dancing at another topless club on the same day the first establishment was padlocked, police said Tuesday.

Officers went to Club Onyx in Detroit on Monday night after getting a tip that an underage girl was dancing, police spokesman John Roach said. The 15-year-old they found was the same girl who at age 14 was performing at All Stars Lounge in April, he said.

Police arrested a manager at Club Onyx, Roach said. Roach said the club could be shuttered and the manager could be charged with child sexually abusive activity.

Obviously, the first question that comes to mind is, was she any good? where are this girl's parent(s)?  The report does say that the girl's home life isn't the most desirable and that she seems pretty troubled - A friend of the teenager's family described the girl as "disrespectful of her mother," the Detroit News reported.

And I'm sure some people will read this and point to some of the poorer influences that there are out there for little girls these days, but I'm not even going to go there.  Act like a parent.  If you don't want your kids to watch Miley Cyrus strip around a bird cage and simulate sex with her father, then don't have children.  Simple.as.that.

But that got me thinking.  Certainly, most parents don't want their children to grow up to be strippers.  But, somewhere in this post-Little Mermaid-boners world, there had to be some parents out there that would be proud of their child working the pole for all it's worth, makin' it rain, and all that other stripper talk.

Unfortunately, youtube was very kind to me in that respect.  Granted, I'm pretty sure that the FBI and Chris Hansen are probably waiting for me when I get home after work today from youtubing and googling these videos.  And even if they're not, no amount of skin-meltingly hot showering will rinse me of the disgust I feel.  Whatevs though, someone had to do it eventually no they didn't. 

So, I now present to you, 10 Videos of Small Children Dancing on a Stripper Pole.  Get your Purell, blowtorches, and bleach baths ready.  It's gonna be a dirty ride.