THIS IS GIVING ME LIFE RIGHT NOW: Lilo in "Liz & Dick"

All actors and actresses will make the occasional bomb, but for every bad decision comes THE BEST DECISION. This is the BEST DECISION. Lifetime has finally released a teaser for what is absolutely certain to be the highest rated television event in history suck it Olympics and even though Lindsay Lohan says like, seven words, she is PERFECT in every single way.

The amount of can't-ing I'm doing over how great this movie is going to be is astronomical. Start getting your most glamorous furs and gowns out of storage because Saturday, November 3rd will be here before you know it.

P.S. - I love that Lifetime splurged on the music that was used to advertise Internet Explorer. This thing is gonna be mind-blowing. 


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Nothing Makes Me Happier Than This Right Now...

It's finally coming back. Life = complete.

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COMMERCIAL OF THE WEEK

TAKE A CHEETOS BREAK

I have never seen a commercial that dances closer to how I feel every time I eat Cheetos in my entire life only the crunchy kind, puffs are barf. When I used to work at a bang during summer vacations in college, the 50 and 60 year old ladies I worked with would bring in BAGS of these throughout the week and I would EVERY LAST BAGS OF THESE. And we would dance. It wasn't sexual. It was. It wasn't. Gross, you guys.

Even now, every once in a while when I'm at my current work, I take a trip down to the vending machine at the other end of the hallway and it's a special trip because I don't get up and walk to the other end of the hallway for just any dollar priced snack I also usually don't have dollars on me. But, once I hit C-6, I just want to dance the crunch away.

This commercial is perfect.

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(NOT A) SIGN OF THE ROBOT APOCALYPSE

Mostly, robots are biding time and resources until they can launch their full scale attack aimed at the mass and total extinction of the human race. But in those rare instances in which they are not doing that, they are DANCING!!!

At the 2:48 mark (the one pictured above) is your nightmares. But the one at the 3:30 mark makes up for it. (it= your Japanese nightmares)


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YOU SMART THINKER, YOU: Baby Bathroom Stall Hanger

Picture this: You've got a mega-poop ready to leave your butt hole. READY TO LEAVE. You also have a small child baby ready to kidnapped if you leave it on the counter in the Wal*Mart bathroom you're in the more babies you have the more monies from the government you get! Midwestnomics!

What are you to do? That poop wants to leave. NOW!

Welp, this has obviously been a problem for someone out there on ONE TOO MANY OCCASIONS. And thus, The BabyKeeper was created.

Gotta poop? Hang your baby on the stall door. Gotta lady pee? Hang your baby on the stall door. Gotta change your female hygiene product during a particularly heavy day? Hang your baby on the door. Gotta a nasty hangover that's coming back up? Hang your baby on the door. Gotta cry your emotions to yourself because you hang your baby on a door? Hang your baby on the door. Gotta eat your McDonald's lunch that you bought in the Wal*Mart you're shopping in in privacy because of the trashies filling up all the seats in the eat-in McDonalds? Hang your baby on the door.

THIS.IS.GENIUS. Until someone steals your baby thinking it's a purse you hung on the door.


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thanks Meghan!


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MY HOME STATE PRESENTS: Buckeye Stadium Created Entirely of LEGOS!

I like LEGOS a lot. I played with them all the time as a child. I played with them so much that each and every LEGO guy that I owned has his little back story and personality and everyone would have to team up to fight against the wicked witch LEGO lady or the aliens. Sometimes the aliens and the witch would team up. It was epic. I was surprisingly not home schooled.

As much as I loved my LEGOS, I'm not entirely sure I'd have enough patience to sit through this massive construction. It took Paul Janssen, an associate prof at Ohio State University THREE YEARS just to collect all the 450 THOUSAND dead pieces that went into recreating The Horseshoe. And he didn't modify a single piece kudos to him because I was always STAUNCHLY against anyone that janked up their pieces, I'm a purist kill me.

Check out the video...






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LIVEBLOG: THE 68TH ANNUAL GOLDEN GLOBES

comic sans

Who's drunk? EVERYONE AT THE GOLDEN GLOBES!!!

But anyway, liveblog central here! Who's excited? NO ONE AT THE GOLDEN GLOBES!!!

But twiceyway, I'll be watching this 3 trillion hour show and you know the drill. Barf, I'm already tired.

What are your predictions? My mom: "Is Black Swan gonna sweep everything?" she's never seen the movie. I think Natalie Portman's unborn fetus is going to sweep everything it's already swept all the best future celebrity child awards In Touch Weekly already has its cover ready. Welp, see you at 8:00 pm.

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HOARDERS: Glen/Lisa

We're gonna make this one short and sweet. The season finale of Hoarders was about rats. THOUSANDS OF RATS. There was some other deplorable woman on the episode, she had cats and she lived in a house owned by her father but didn't care it was a total disaster. She then didn't want any help. She blew. RATS were the main focus and rats you are gonna get. THOUSANDS OF RATS.

Basically, I'm going to take you on an GIFventure of what you watched last night. It's only GIFs. GIFS OF RATS.

So find your Commander Whitehead and lets get going...

Is the Tron Segway What Tron Mall Security Cops Ride?

I was gonna try to make fun of this Tron Segway like it was some sort of 'life long virginity badge' but I'd totally take this for a spin and never walk again in my life - walking is for assholes if I had it. So, let's just watch the video instead...

[via]


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EATERS ANONYMOUS: Bacon Jam

Let me first start off by saying this. Secondly, let me say that this may seem kinda gross to you, but obviously, you've never put this delectable deliciousness in your mouth.

Mari's Bacon Jam is a wondrous concoction of I don't know what. It looks like tiny mashed up bacon chunks in some sort of jam-like mixture. It's salty and bacon-y just like bacon!, yet has a wonderful sweetness about it that compliments the savory. I could just eat the whole thing with a spoon.

It comes from Mari's in NYC though it's not yet available and is used to make the bacon brownies they sell there which are tongue numbingly awesome. If you're ever around the Limelight Marketplace, definitely stop in and try some of the brownies. A tad bit expensive for such little things, but delicious all the way.

And hopefully soon, you too will be able to enjoy Bacon Jam I will be putting this on everything I eat from now until I die of bacon bits clogging my heart.


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