Gross

She's just fug.



Above is Chloe Sevigny. I don't even know why I posted this. I hate myself.

Gummi Bears, Bouncing Here and There and Everywhere

Whatch what happens when you drop one of these cute little cuddly guys:




Into a test tube of Potassium Chlorate:


Gummi Bear Dropped Into Potassium Chlorate - Watch more free videos

The iPhone Hysteria

Someone tries to jack an iPhone on live television. WTF?


iPhone Jacking Attempt On Live TV - Watch more free videos

Notice what he grabs. Idiot.

BRITNEY OUT FOR BLOOD

TMZ has an amazing story from the Britney camp today. Apparently, Britney was basically forced into rehab from her mom, Fed-X, and her former manager, Larry Rudolph. A report from Promises (the rehab facility) indicates Britney's body was clean of all substances. But the clincher is that it wasn't filed until 2 weeks after Britney entered - which poses the question, how was she being treated if they didn't know what to treat her for?

Click here for the rest of the bizarre story

G&T

Because today is PatBot's last day (and mainly because it's incredibly slow in the celeb world) I decided to start drinking at around 1:00pm. Gin & tonic is really, really my favorite drink. As you can see:

My favorite part of this day, minus the drinking, is the fact that after I get a little tipsy at work, I'm going on a drinking binge at a bar with friends for a beautiful and charming girl's graduation party. Then riding home in a party bus. A PARTY BUS. LOVE IT.

Another Sign the Matrix is Happening

We all know that Vicki Beckham is a robot. It's just facts. No human can go so long without cracking a smile or, you know, actually being human. I mean look at this:


No real person looks like that. Anyway, PageSix is reporting that Miss Posh is on her way to becoming Lady Posh. The robots are taking over. Slowly. Taking. Over.

If Apple Makes It, They Will Come Like Crazies

Just under 6 hours until these hoards of people start becoming savage beasts in search of the glorious fruit that the almight Apple has bore. Please, if you are not planning on getting an iPhone today, stay away from any and all Apple stores near you. No one knows what these people, that have been waiting as early as Tuesday, are capable of.

Harry Potter and The Richest Boy Ever

There has never been a time more than now that I wish I was Harry Potter.


$50 Million?! FIFTY MILLION DOLLARS?!?!!!


I wonder what the others are being paid?

PatBot's Last Day :(

Today is my co-worker PatBot's last day. It is a very sad time here in the Logentration Camp. PatBot will be greatly missed by all of us.

To celebrate his future endeavours, please treat yourself to our favorite song.



Eight Dollars?! What is this?!

Mysteries of Science

Behold the wonders of science. I give you a Zorse:



What is a Zorse you ask? Well it's just what it looks like! A Zebra and a Horse were mixed to create this beautiful creature. Now if scientists would only take some of my suggestions to heart. Like Piranapotamus and Octophants. Think about those and be prepared for the future of animals.

Mysteries of Science

Please look at this closely.

Not a tumor my ass. Hahahahahahaha. AHAHAHAHA, hahaha. Oh man, did you see what I did there. ASS? I'm so clever.

THE REVOLUTION

On June 29, 2007 the world will be changed forever.


This little gem will be that catalyst.


You wait people, the end of the world is near. Mark my words.

Britney Spears = Most Rational Person Alive

TMZ is reporting that Britney Spears handed her mom a legal letter from a lawyer asking her to stay away from her children.

We're told the letter bluntly asks Lynne to stay away from the children if she is taking any medications that would impair her ability to be around them.

Britney Spears asked her mother to stay away from the children if she is taking any medications that would impair her ability to be around them. Britney Spears. The sloppy, mess of a woman that parades around LA looking like a washed up coke whore? Really? This makes about as much sense as asking a drunken, angry, hungry, two-headed shark to watch after her children. Except the shark would do a better job raising the children. Above water. Where it can't breath. And is actually dead.

More Reveals for the Lamest Illusionist

Remember this?

Well, the wonderful blog Oh No They Didn't
has even more proof of Chriss Angel being a tool bag. Click here for the account of his "magic" trick.

Unnecessary

Eva Longoria's wedding present. Unnecessary.

Nip/Tuck Tightens Up Guests

One of my favorite shows, Nip/Tuck, has recently been announcing it's guest lineup for the upcoming 5th season. And boy does it stand to be a doozy. Zap2it has the lowdown.

... former "Arrested Development" star Portia de Rossi will recur on the show and Rosie O'Donnell will reprise her role as lottery winner Dawn Budge

Thank you producers, for getting Portia. She's definitely proved herself (Thank you Arrested Development). I'm sure she will be awesome.

Also, Rosie "Cupcakes" O'Donnell will be coming back. I'm actually okay with that, except for the part where we had to endure her having sex with Christian on a bear skin rug.


P.S. - Don't worry, I didn't link that last thing to anything horrifying. Even my eyes can't take that.

Live Free and Go Big

After just one night, Live Free or Die Hard took in $8.87 million! Will it be able to capture the number one spot this weekend? Only John McClane will tell. And probably time. But we all know what time gets us don't we? Vaginaplasty and testicle implants.

Must See

I had privelage of seeing Broadway's current Tony award winning darling, Spring Awakening, with my friend Gabi last night. All I can say is please do yourself a favor and go see it. Underage sex/rape, teen pregnancy, and homosexuality have never been done so well before on stage. And you get to see some boobage!

Transformers?

Defamer has a nice trailer up for the first Hollywood parody of Transformers. Boy the robots in this one look even more real than those actual robots I see dancing in front of people in those crazy Japanese videos. But a little less real than this guy actually being a dancing robot.

Kelly Could Clinch It

Kelly Clarkson looks like she might be debuting at number 1 again with her new album My December, despite the mass amounts of controversy surrounding it. Fox News reports:

...as the "American Idol" winner's "My December" album looks poised for a No. 1 or No. 2 debut next week with up to 320,000 copies sold

Excellent. I love this because I love Kelly Clarkson. My favorite thing is that lame ass Perez Hilton has tried his damn hardest to put as much negative press out there about her album as possible. He quotes the same article, but only points out the negative-- much like a tool would.

Here's a remix version of her latest video for your enjoyment. REEEMIX.

Reunion to End All Reunions.

God has smiled upon us all this day.

Paris + TV = Lies

As I'm sure you know, Paris Hilton was on Larry King last night to give an in depth account of her stay in the slammer. Now obviously, it was pretty much expected she was gonna complain about how scared she was, how bad the food is, and being alone. Basically the exact same experience everyone else in America had for their first week in high school. Well, luckily we were also treated to Paris making up lies. Blatant and outrageous lies that everyone else in America knows is false.

Check out TMZ's feed from the interview here to hear the blasphemy yourself.

It's Here

Live Free or Die Hard releases today.



Bruce is my father.

Hayden Licks In Just Fine

Anyone that knows me, or my friends, or has ever delved into the limitless abyss of pictures that facebook has of me, they know one thing. I'm a licker. My friends are lickers. And we like to lick things and each other. Okay, someone just pointed out that that's like three things. Or three and a half. I never was schooled in math, so don't judge me. Anyway, IDLYITW has a nice gallery of Miss Panettiere licking various objects. Here's her licking ass:



Now, I'm not begging or anything, but she's turned down my MySpace and Facebook frienship requests repeatedly and it's getting a little frustrating. We would be so perfect together! WE LIKE LICKING. And I like girls that are blonde that are indestructable that are beautiful and that like to be famous. That's about 47 things we now have in common. FRIEND ME WHORE.

Uncle Jesse Like We've Always Wanted

John Stamos appeared on a morning news show in the land down under this past week. Acting weird. Real weird. I'd go as far as to say drunk.



Who can tell me they didn't want John Stamos prancing around the set of Full House with a bottle of Jack in one hand and the throat of Dave Coulier in the other?! Or maybe just kicking one of the Olsen Twins? Which one grew up to do be the drug addict. She probably needed it most. Oh, both did? And one was anorexic? And they're bag ladies now? And together they turn into a skeletal dragon that terrorizes downtown NY? What has the world come to?

Rosie Finally Loses It

Rosie O'Donnell dressed her daughter up like this:

Can anyone explain to me what she is really trying to prove here other than she really likes the blog hits, or that she hates her own children? No wonder whenever I post a picture of her it turns out like this:

Goatgurt

My coworker Xtina has a serious problem with her inability to distinguish between cups of regular yogurt and yogurt made from the milk of a goat. Now, I can understand the first time you would make the mistake, it's quite easy to mistake the small little goat creature on the top right of the labeling for a cow. But honestly, after you already made the mistake once, don't you think one would be a tad more careful? Not X. She once again purchased Liberte Gaot Yogourt instead of good ol' cowgurt.

Now, I'm sure you are asking, why am I making such a big deal about it? Well, Goat Yogurt tastes like death. The substance that comes from its udders (which in no way possible can be called "milk") is somehow transformed into a horrifying blend of evil and sour. It also leaves a disgusting film in your mouth. Below is my reation.



Basically, the point of this post is to discourage you from goats, the spawn of satan.

When Stick Men Attack

Break.com has a fun little video up. My coworker PatBot found it and it made us both giggle. Here it is for your enjoyment.


Stick Figure Battles Designer - Watch more free videos

She's Back

Kelly Clarkson's new album My December hits stores today. Yeah, that's right, I like Kelly Clarkson. No, I take that back. I love Kelly Clarkson. Just deal with it. She's been under quite a bit of fire from her record label over this new album, which she wrote or co-wrote all the songs for. She's been quoted saying:

"I could give a crap about being a star. I've always just wanted to sing and write."

And I say good for her. She's a hell of a lot better than Fantastic Burrito and Lame Aiken, so in honor of her new album, here is her first single, Never Again.



And for shits and giggles, here's the catchiest song of all time, also sung by Miss Clarkson:

Bulgarian Idol

First off, if you don't watch Best Week Ever, I hate you. Secondly, if you don't go to Best Week Ever's blog, you obviously boycott all things fun in life. And thricely, I agree with everything they say in this post. Watch the video (it takes a few seconds to get to the good part, but when it does, dang is it grool.)


This is what American Idol should always be like.

HOLY CRAP IPHONE-MANIA

As the insanity for the iPhone grows each day leading up to June 29th, the day it launches, I figured I would post the beautiful commercials that are flying around the world and making people go absolutely rabid for anything remotely Apple.



This thing is gonna hit the mass population and absolutely destroy everything. Literally, the entire world is going to be leveled by the power of the iPhone. Brace yourself people, the iPhone has such a good battery life because it feeds off of your souls. Then it destroys. Thanks Apple.

CUPCAKES.

Rosie O'Donnell was spotted complaining about everything. Our cameras were there to get a picture of her ranting. Really I just wanted to post my favorite picture of all time up.

Sizemore Get's More

Time in prison that is. TMZ has reported that earlier today, Tom Sizemore, of Saving Private Ryan fame, was sentenced to serve time in prison.

Moments ago in Los Angeles County Superior Court, a judge sentenced Sizemore to 16 months in state prison for violating his probation in a 2004 methamphetamine conviction.

Of course. Thanks American justice system. We give Paris Hilton, a no talent waste of life 23 days in prison, yet we give an obviously remorseful, talented actor 16 months. Boo you justice. Boo you.

Ladies and Gentleman, I Give To You...

What happens when sexually transmitted diseases take over and ravage your body. And you get a really bad face lift, or six. And then you stop eating for 3 months. And you drink Drano. And you become a witch.

And to think, she used to look like this.

Finally, a Movie Worth Seeing This Summer

Behold, the international trailer for Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix wich opens on July 11th.



Screw you Spider-Man Worlds End the Third.

IMDB has the listings for this past weekends box office. Let's just say there were really no surprises.

The top ten films for the weekend, according to studio estimates compiled by Media by Numbers:
1. Evan Almighty, $32.1 million
2. 1408, $20.175 million
3. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer, $20.15 million
4. Ocean's Thirteen, $11.3 million
5. Knocked Up, $10.6 million
6. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, $7.2 million
7. Surf's Up, $6.7 million
8. Shrek the Third, $5.8 million
9. Nancy Drew, $4.5 million
10. A Mighty Heart, $4 million.

Now lets be honest with ourselves here. Evan Almighty? Was anyone expecting something out of this? Poor Steve Carrell. I hope he doens't turn out to be the next Jim "all of my roles are the same character" Carey. Also, down at the bottom of the list, Angie's movie, A Might Heart hardly made it into the top 10. Poor Angie. I hope she doesn't turn out to be the next Steve Carrell.

I'm Going to Regret This, But...

The only reason I am posting this little snacker is because I have a couple of friends that are absolutely crazy about Hanson. Yes, the group of three brothers most notable for a song that no one knows what they were saying. TMZ is reporting that the threesome is looking to get back into the lime light with an internet contest.

Isaac, Taylor and Zach will personally write a song about you (MmmmBob?) -- if you paste Hanson.net banners all over your personal site. Fan sites that gets the most click-throughs to the Hanson site will be entered to win a song written by the funky, hunky musical gods.

Quaint. Just what I've always wanted. Mmmmatthew. For the rest of the article, including how Hanson sucks as a guest, clicky here.

Pure Sex

Watch this and tell me you don't want it. I dare you.

Like Mother Like Daughter

Well, apparently Britney didn't fall far from the tree. She actually fell quite close. And really fast. Britney Spears is apparently filing for a restraining order on her own mother, according to X17 Online. Their sources claim:

...that the paperwork is completed and that Britney is claiming her mother is abusing prescription pain medication and that she should be kept away from Sean and Jayden. The papers are supposed to be filed today or tomorrow.

Poor Jayden and Sean. Their lives are over. If they live beyond the age of three and a half it will be by the grace of God, by giving the two young children to some animal to be raised in its care. Such as wolves or a platypus. Think of how cute that would be, a little momma platypus caring for two crack babies.

The Price is Wrong Bitch

Fox News is reporting that Rosie O'Donnell has passed on becoming the host of The Price is Right after being offered the job. Fox News says:

I'm told the they made her a substantial offer, but that the location of the show — Los Angeles — was the deal-breaker. Just as I predicted, Rosie will not move from New York. She's set here, and in Miami. So that's it. No amount of money can change it

Thank you Rosie, thank you so much. Because of your stubborness you will not be ruining the greatest game show in the world. If I had to see your body waddling up the Plinko stairs I'd cringe and pray they broke. For the rest of the story, click here.

I Hate You Fox.

FOX Renews 'American Dad'

Dirrrrty Dancing

After an intense weekend, I'm obv worn out a tad. So, I came home and got in bed to watch a movie. As I turned on my little television, what was I graced with? None other than Dirty Dancing. It's been years since I have seen this movie and honestly, how hilar is it. Not only is it filled with awesome 80's music, but it also has a ridic amount of sexuality thrown in. Oddly enough, it even has a hint of a threesome. Watch the beginning of this and tell me otherwise.



You know they were all in bed together doing the nasty after their little rehearsal. Hungry eyes indeed...

What a Weekend

My favorite roommate and I, Michelle, had a fantastic weekend that basically only included beer, beer, and more beer. Did I mention it also included some beer. We had so much beer that we're still drinking it. It's Sunday afternoon/evening and we're still drinking. There's so much. It doesn't stop. Drunk...



Above is the point that we've reached. It's hilar and a bit sad. But mostly hilar, not gonna lie. Please let me know how your weekend went, in hopes that there are some equally funny stories out there.

WHAT A WEEKEND

My roommate Michelle and I accidently got really drunk all weekend. Literally all weekend. Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I'm not entirely sure how it happened, but it did. Here's a little preview into what happened....


Gin & Tonic. Best.Weekend.Ever.

MOST HORRIFYING ANIMAL ON THE PLANET

The world's ugliest dog has been crowned and my God is it disturbing. I was actually taken aback by the horrific image upon first glance. I cannot believe that the winner receives $1,600 for an animal scorned by even Satan and tossed from Hell to to terrorize small children and make grown men cry. Oh the insanity...




Behold, the World's Ugliest Dog:




As reported by ABC Action News, this Chinese Crested and Chihuahua mix, named Elwood, took the crown on Friday. It's owner had this to say:

"The breeder was going to euthanize him because she thought he was too ugly to sell," said Karen Quigley.

The breeder was right Karen. You just have terrible taste. Worse than terrible. You have terrawful taste. You should be ashamed.

PEE WEE IS BAAAAAAAACK!

Paul Reubens is bringing Pee Wee back. Everyone's favorite childhood self exposer is coming back in a big way. He plans on doing a few things that he wasn't able to during the peak of his fame. ABC Action News reports:

He hopes to usher two of his Pee-wee-centered screenplays into production soon. One follows the bow-tied protagonist and his old "Playhouse" pals on a road-trip adventure. The other, which Reubens describes as "the dark Pee-wee movie," explores how Pee-wee deals with Hollywood and the trappings of fame.

For the rest of the story, click here.

The Simpsons

A new Simpsons Trailer was released recently. I really can't stress how excited I am for this movie. I mean really, it's The Simpsons.



The Simpsons Movie opens nationwide on July 27, 2007

THE MATRIX HAS STARTED

It was only a matter of time before the Japanese created a robot designed to take over blue collar jobs.



My god, you mark my words, in 5 years we're gonna be fighting creepy business men in black suits and glasses while Ted tries to save all of us. Shit we're doomed.

NBC Realizes Its Stupidity

NBC apparently realized that $1 million was a bit excessive in winning an exclusive interview with a spoiled brat who doesn't understand the concept of obeying the law.

Nice job NBC, you get 10 smart points. However, that still only puts you at -9,999,989 points considering you even thought of giving Paris Hilton a million dollars. And I'm gonna subtract another 100,000 because you didn't renew Studio 60.

Be careful NBC, you're getting close to FOX

FOX: The SIDS of TV

In case you wanted to know, I hate FOX. I consider it quite possibly the worst television network out there. If you don't agree with me, then you are wrong. You are just wrong. This isn't an opinion. It's fact. Fox has killed off more good shows than most networks have ever had, Futurama and Arrested Development to name just two. Outside of House, AI, and the Simpsons, can you name something else that's bearable to watch? (And no, Family Guy doesn't count, it blows now, get over it)

In honor of my favorite show to ever grace the airwaves, here's a clip of chicken dances from the Bluth Family.



If anyone wants to order the three GLORIOUS seasons of this show, click here

TREES!

A tree limb just fell from the sky right outside our house! Being the amazing adventurers that we are, my roommate Michelle and I ran out in our adventure gear (pirate hats and bare feet) and got pictures.

Blogsies

It's finally happening. My friends and coworkers finally got me excited enough to do this. So here we go.