I Love Danica McKellar

In more "lets make fun of young Hollywood news," my very first crush has decided to fight the image that Lindsay and friends portrays to the impressionable minds of today's young girls. Danica McKellar, aka Whinnie Cooper from The Wonder Years has written a book entitled Math Doesn't Suck to try to inspire young girls not to be afraid of Math, which she majored in.

"When girls see the antics of Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan, they think that being fun and glamorous also means being dumb and irresponsible," the 32-year-old McKellar told Newsweek for editions to hit newsstands Monday.

"But I want to show them that being smart is cool," she said. "Being good at math is cool. And not only that, it can help them get what they want out of life."

She is beautiful. I can't take it. I love her. I was so jealous of Kevin Arnold. Oh man, I need to go find episodes of The Wonder Years pronto...

Don't Touch Faith Hill's Husband's Balls

In case you were thinking about it, here's the consequences of grabbing Tim McGraw's crotch. Faith Hill gets annnnnnngry.

Best Night Ever July 29th!!

Hey everyone, sorry about the lack of updates over the weekend. It was tremendously busy with the Del Close Improv Marathon which is probably the greatest weekend of comedy you will ever have a chance of seeing. So many famous comedians. So much beer and pot. Hilarity. Saturday was my dear friend Kate's graduation party that was full of blow-up jousting and lots and lots of beer. Sunday, I just slept all day.

Anywho, here's the recap of last night's television programs. Thanks to Desiree Burch who's here to fill you in on the Best Night Ever.

I Pull Out My Beretta...

Yes, yes people. If you are familiar with that line/lyric, then get ready to be over joyed. R. Kelly is finally releasing 10 new chapters in his Trapped in the Closet series. What's even better, the Independent Film Channel has jumped on board to help. This time it sounds like the ridiculous story is being upped a notch or two.

The new round of "Trapped" videos finds Kelly portraying an old man named Randolph, complete with a pot belly and a fake white beard that nearly falls off mid-scene, as well as a preacher in a gray Jheri-curl wig and garish orange suit. In one of the final chapters, Kelly's Sylvester character talks business with a "Sopranos"-esque mobster who is eating a giant plate of spaghetti.

The 10 new episodes will hit stores on August 21st on DVD. It is not yet known when they will be broadcast.

This post is for my roommate Dan who discovered the wonders behind the Trapped in the Closet series and what an awesome drinking game can be made out of what he calls, "the most unintentionally hilarious thing on DVD".

Best Night Ever July 26th!!

Here's your recap of the clips from last night's TV!

More Than Meets The Eye

I saw Transformers over the weekend and not gonna lie, I loved it. It was everything I expected it to be... and more. Thank you Michael Bay for creating a cinematic masterpiece that completely satisfies my memories of Transformers the animated series. Little to no story line and lots of robots, fighting and exploding.

Anywho, while looking for the theme song of the original series, I stumbled across this little gem. Enjoy!

I Need To Borrow Some $$$$

Please click here.


Then email me to give me your credit card info.

If You Missed It...

Here's Homer Simpson doing a monologue on the Tonight Show last night.



Never Been Crappier... Count it!

Britney on OK!

Perez has the first shots Britney on the cover of OK! as well as some of pages from the story. What a mess...

I like on the 3rd page down where OK! calculates all the stuff she ruined and how much it cost.

Britney Goes Bonkers

Perez has some info on Britney's OK! magazine debacle.. Here's just a snipit of what the former pop princess did during the shoot...

- Britney wiped her greasy hands on a $274 designer gown during lunch.
- Let her puppy poop on a $6,700 Zac Posen gown.
- Took frequent bathroom breaks - with the door open! - and even brought her assistant in with her.
- Insisted her “friends,” not the hired professionals, do her hair and makeup while complaining that the wardrobe provided by the mag’s stylists wasn’t “sexy,” “short” or “tight” enough.
- Fled the shoot and interview before it was over - still wearing $14,526 worth of OK!’s borrowed clothing.

I wonder if she's still alive by the end of the year...

Best Night Ever July 24th!!

This recap of Tuesday nights wonderful clips of television is dedicated to my old coworker X-tina. She'll know why after watching the first recap. Anywho, here's Max Silvestri with his take on Tuesday TV.

Hey Mikey!

Oh Michael Lohan you really do try don't you. Mr. Lohan on Larry King Live

I Hate Children

I know this video is rather old, but my roommate Michelle brought it to my attention this evening and reminded me how annoying children are, especially home schooled ones (no offense to anyone out there that is normal and was home schooled).

Spelling Bee Winner

.

Someone really needs to beat this kid up.

Trick 'r Treat

I don't really know how I feel about this movie other than it looks like it will be better than the terrible Torture/Porn sub-genre that's so wildly popular now a days. Anyway, here's the trailer for Trick 'r Treat coming out this fall.

Thank You Best Week Ever.

Best Week Ever put up a link to the new Wes Anderson movie.

Can't Wait!

This is Awesome!

One of the greatest movies of my childhood, The Goonies, has finally gotten around to action figures.


I couldn't be more excited.

Drew Carey, Come on Down!

Confirming reports from Friday, Drew Carey is the new host of The Price is Right. Mr. Carey announced his new gig on the Letterman show.


He will also be hosting another CBS show known as Power 10

Britney's Breakdown

In other non-Lohan/Cocaine/DUI news, we all know that the Britster had given OK! magazine an exclusive tell all interview. What we didn't know though, was that her interview and photoshoot were anything but stellar. A statement was released by OK! editor-in-chief Sarah Ivens which stated:

“OK! Magazine spent a heartbreaking day with Britney Spears and witnessed first-hand an emotional cry for help that will leave you shocked and sad. This week, on newsstands Friday, the truth will be told.”

In other words, instead of sugar coating it, they are gonna post it all! Everything. I love it.

Here We Go Again

Alright, I took a break from blogging yesterday because it was my first real weekday this entire summer not having to do anything. It was nice. But, now back to the game.

So much has happened today. SO MUCH. While I get everything together, enjoy a recap of last night's TV.



Love it.

Prison Thriller

Alrighty kids. Everyone has seen it. Everyone has watched someone imitate it. And some (including myself) have done it themselves. But now, we have one of the greatest completely choreographed Thriller video reenactment I have ever seen.

The Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center in the Philippines, for one reason or another, decided to get together and redo Michael Jackson's greatest and most memorable video of all time. Behold the wonder of group activities...



I love the inmate in drag who plays the girlfriend.... sexy.

Britney Tells All to OK!

Britney Spears, at least according to Perez, is giving a huge, real interview to OK! magazine. This would be her first true interview since her stint in rehab.

The former pop star was interviewed by OK! magazine on the set of her new music video in downtown Los Angeles on Thursday.

Spears was also photographed by the mag and will grace the cover of their new issue, out next week.

“It’s a shocking interview,” a source tells us.

She's gonna be on the cover? I hope all the news stands across the nation have insurance for when all of these magazines burst into flames. If not, they should at least have buckets near for the passersby to throw up in upon glancing at the cover.

J.K. SPEAKS!

J.K. Rowling just posted on her official website, a few words for those of us watching each and every minute on the clock tick by with each passing minute being longer than the last...

“Within hours you will know what happens to Harry, Ron, Hermione and the rest in their final adventure. All the secrets I have been carrying around for so long will be yours, too, and those who guessed correctly will be vindicated, and those who guessed wrongly will not, I hope, be too disappointed! As for me, I feel a heady mixture of excitement, nerves and relief. ‘Deathly Hallows’ remains my favourite of the series, even after several re-reads; I cannot wait to share it with the readers who have stuck with me through six previous books.”

I CAN'T WAIT! By the way, my roommates and I are going to a midnight Potter Party at a local Barnes & Noble. We have the first 3 tickets meaning I will be one of the first people in the entire nation to be reading it. I'm dying.

Best Night Ever July 19th!

I'll just let Kit Williams speak for this one...

Brintey Get Back

TMZ has the first picture up of Britney Spears in her "mourning stripper" outfit for the video for her new song Get Back.

She looks... pretty much the same as she always does, confused, crotch hanging out, about to fall, and still wearing that nasty weave. How long has it been since she released a song? Two years? Three? I have no idea how it's going to turn out, but boy is it gonna be ridiculous, real ridic.

Does anyone know when this thing is supposed to drop?

Just For Fun

While scavenging through YouTube , I "accidently" came across this little montage of various internet videos of children. I'm sure you've seen most of them before, but when they are put together in this manner, I can't help but laugh.



The last clip though - the kid on the diving board - I can't handle that one. I have a fear of diving board accidents. Don't ask.

ALSO, don't mind the last 20 seconds- Lame-o promotional stuff.

Commercial Emmy

Best Week Ever was kind enough to sort through the krajillions of videos on YouTube to find and find the commercials that were nominated for an Emmy this year and place them all in one nice click-able area.

I'm gonna have to say my favorite is the Snowball - Traveler one, simply because of it's obvious similarities to a great little game I love by the name of Katamari Damacy, as seen below. About half way through is where it gets good.



The Coke commercial on the other hand, scares the poo out of me. Those terrifying creatures!! WHAT ARE THEY AND WHAT ARE THEY DOING WITH MY COKE!!!

SHARK WEEK

Since the greatest week in television is fast approaching, I have added a little love for Shark Week along the right. I'm not gonna lie, there are few things in this world that get me as excited to run home and turn on the tube as Shark Week does. And this year promises to be especially amazing because it's their 20th anniversary!!

Check out their website for some fun shark facts.

Watch below for a little clipperoo of Shark Week 2007.

GODZIRRA!

Britney Spears emerged from the sea yesterday to lay waste to all that is Hollywood. If this would have happened about 3 months ago, it may have been a bigger deal. But this pop-tart is far from anything remotely resembling a rational human being these days. I mean honestly, she got into a bitch fight with her mom. I wouldn't be surprised if tomorrow we find out that she is actually a robot and the real Britney Spears is an astrophysicist.

Also, someone needs to shave.

Best Night Ever July 18th!

Here's our daily installment of Best Night Ever, this time brought to us by Brian Faas. Hope you enjoy his little recaps of So You Think You Can Dance?, Don’t Forget The Lyrics!, American Inventor, and Rescue Me . I know I did!

Seinfeld Comes Home

Jerry Seinfeld is returning to NBC. Thank goodness it's not for something random like his own show. We all know the only one to escape the Seinfeld curse was Julia Louis-Dreyfus. No no, Seinfeld will be making a guest appearance on my favorite new sitcom from last season, the ever hilarious 30 Rock. This time though, he'll be playing himself.

"I was thrilled to be asked to guest star on NBC's hit comedy '30 Rock,'" Seinfeld says in a statement. "I think it's going to be so refreshing for me to be playing myself in a show that has nothing to do with neurotic, dysfunctional New York characters."

For the rest of the story, head over to Zap2it.

EXCITING NEWS!!!

Well, today at 11:00am, I had a little (LONG) interview with some people and I may be getting a new job. I will know by Friday. Keep your fingers crossed!!

Best Night Ever for July 16th!

As always, and to my enjoyment, Best Week Ever has provided us with a lovely recap of last night's awesomely bad moments on TV. Shea Hess has the recaps for Hell's Kitchen, Extreme Makeover, Age of Love and my personal favorite Victoria Beckham: Coming to America.



I swear, the number one clip with the "dolphin" noise that they creepy plastic lady makes is one of the funniest and scariest things I've ever seen on television.

GOOD NEWS!!

Something exciting in my life is happening tomorrow at 11:00 am. More after that!

NBC Trumps and Loves Sloppy Seconds

NBC recently announced that they will be bringing back Donald Trumps business reality show, but this time with celebrities. The Apprentice, after much speculation that it would not be returning in the fall after NBC failed to mention it during their fall show unveiling (and when Trump said he wasn't gonna do it anymore), is making a surprise comeback with a little twist. Variety reports:

Next edition of the Donald Trump-Mark Burnett skein will feature a celebrity cast, NBC topper Ben Silverman told Daily Variety. Silverman pitched the idea to the show's producers after seeing how well a celeb "Apprentice" did in the UK.

Casting has just started, but Silverman says early interest in the concept is strong. Silverman said he's already started lobbying some of his celeb pals to do the show-- including cast members of "The Office," natch

Also, NBC has chosen to pick up another network's trash in hopes of finding a treasure. Isaiah Washington, recently released from ABC's hit show Grey's Anatomy, has been picked up by the peacock for a role in Bionic Woman.

This could be a nice little publicity stunt for NBC to pull in the controversy surrounding Mr. Washington and his big, big mouth.

APOLOGY

Sorry about not getting the update for the Tichenor Adventurers up. I promise it will be up by tomorrow morning. It's a busy day here at the MTV so I haven't been able to update as much as I'd like and after work I'm going to see Harry Potter again, so bare with me.

There will be sporadic updates throughout the day though. Stay tuned!

Best Night Ever July 15th!

Another wonderful Sunday night of TV and luckily we have the wonderful people of Best Week Ever to recap the best parts of last night. Michael Cyril Creighton will give you the lowdown!




Flight of the Conchords, watch it.

Tichenor Adventurers!!!

Well, it's 12:45 and the Tichenor Adventurers are off on another adventure. Below is a map of where we are going on our excursion. The top right is where we are starting from, our home Tichenor: YES. As you can see we are making many a stops in our quest for treasure. The first being a yard sale (represented by my good friend Jennatthew on a horse). Followed by Barnes & Noble to reserve the new Harry Potter book. Next on our adventure is a stop at Best Buy, most likely just to look around. Who knows, maybe I'll buy a new Wii game, maybe Dan will buy a movie. As we head to our next stop, we will pass a Taco Bell, but we aren't sure if we will be hungry enough to pick up an order of Cheesy Fiesta Potatoes. The site we are heading to though is, Target, Michelle's former employer. She's angry because they took away her discount. Our next and last stop was to hopefully pick up Meghan. Unfortunately, she's a bitch and is already doing something. We hate her now.


Come back later for pictures and details on how our adventure went and if we survive the dark and stormy roads of NJ!

This Better Be Something Good.

J.J. Abrams (creator of Lost) has decided to make a new movie. No one knows what the hell it's about after watching this trailer:



So much shit is flapping around the interwebz about what it could possibly be from a monster movie to a love story. All I can say is it better be Godzilla. I just want a really good Godzilla movie. If anyone can create something ridiculously over dramatic, mysterious, and full of action for no real reason other than entertaining people, it's J.J. He better deliver this to me, otherwise, I'm calling the always sexy, Mothra.

Harry Potter and the Drunken Roommates

My roommate Michelle and I decided to watch Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire and make a drinking game out of it. Probably the best Friday night activity that I've ever had. Our drinking rules are as follows:

DRINKING RULES:
-Anytime there's sexual tension among any of the actors.
-Anytime Harry is confused about what is happening.
-Anytime a wizard/witch uses magic.
-Anytime British vernacular is used.
-Anytime Ron looks like he's going to cry like a little bitch. (c/o Jimbo)
-Anytime Hermione delivers a line like she's on a "feed the children" infomercial. (c/o Andrew J.J.)

Well, after we got fairly deep into drinking, we discovered that Harry Potter loves the track jackets (JUST LIKE ME!!!!). This pretty much made my night considering that track jackets are my favorite article of clothing to wear. I mean really, look how sexy he is in his track jacket...

Below is the jacket I want to own next.


Granted, it's not really like one of them that Harry wears, but still, anything that brings me closer to a wizard, I'll pretty much buy without thought.

The Eastern Cicada Killer Wasp

So for the past 2 weeks, each mornning as I walk down to the train station to go to my job, I pass a house that has a rather large bush. On this bush there is always a ginormous wasp. I mean this thing is huge. Like The Macarena circa 1996 huge. It is also really aggressive and likes to dive bomb anything and everything that moves. Naturally, being afraid of wasps, bees, hornets, and other insects that can not only sting, but quickly fly at you to do so, I started avoiding the bush. I tried to tell my roommate Michelle, but she didn't quite believe me. And my coworkers thought I had discovered some terrifying new creature of super wasp.

Luckily, this morning, I was able to get Michelle to come out with me as I left for work. Sure enough, on the bush in the spot where I normally see it, was the monster wasp. Terribly enough though, there was another one near the ground hovering near by. Michelle and I ran away.

Once I got to work I scavenged the interwebz for this creature and came across this site. The picture below is the terrifying wasp monster.



This horrible thing can grow up to 2 inches. TWO INCHES. WHY DOES A DAMN WASP NEED TO BE THAT BIG!?

Luckily they are harmless, just very inquisitive - which explains their "dive bombing" attacks. Anyway, I just thought I'd share.

Queen of All Media Takes Over TV

PerezHilton was overjoyed to announce today that he is getting his own show on (one of my favorite networks) VH1.

"What Perez Sez will be a series of one-hour specials, with the first one premiering in September.

Perez is going to be like the gay Barbara Walters of VH1!

The show will be a fun, fresh way of looking at the wacky world of celebrities and interacting with them. It will be like PerezHilton.com come to life, but even juicier."

The Interweb Celeb has been working on this deal for over 2 years now and as you can read in his post is pretty damn excited about it. Congrats goes out to the gossip monger and good luck.

My Childhood Memories

The following video by XYZ Affair, of which I have never heard of, has created a video that taps into the legacy that was late 80's/early 90's Nickelodeon, or as I like to call it, the pinnacle of children's television. Not only does the video feature Nick icon Marc Summers, but also appearances by Pete, from Pete & Pete, the Ferguson from Clarissa Explains it All, and Budnick from Salute Your Shorts. If only they could have gotten the hosts from Wild and Crazy Kids.



If you grew up as a child of the 80's or 90's, you will love this.

Best Night Ever July 12th

Mindy Raf of Best Week Ever is here to give us the highlights from Thursday night's television shows. I'm gonna have to say that I love that 2 clips come from my new favorite summer show, Hey Paula. She's so silly.



Love it!

$$$ Nintendo Makes Bank $$$

Yesterday at E3, a rather important video game expose for all you non-nerds, announced a new game entitled Wii Fit. It comes with a board that you step on and balance with and... just watch the amazing trailer of another Wii game that is sure to dominate in sales.

BABIES!

BABY HANDS!

Will It Blend?

The "Will It Blend" guy from YouTube finally got his hands on an iPhone to, you know, see if it will blend. All you out there dying to get your hands on an iPhone might not want to watch this.


iSmoke!

Are You Afraid of the Dark Meets Punk'd

Ashton Kutcher, apparently done with making celebrities feel like total d-bags in front of hidden cameras has moved on to a bigger, brighter, scarier? show premise. His new MTV show Room 401, will apparently attempt to scare regular people with horrifying, ghastly stunts. Sounds, ghoulishly grand, mwahahaha.



I hate Ashton Kutcher.

CNN Confirms What We Already Know

Another "story" from CNN divulges to the world a fact that many Americans were already about 97.3% sure of. Some Chinese food is made of cardboard.

Now here's the real the part of the story that I found to be news, it's only like that it its home country. In addition to the terrible conditions that it's prepared in, some makers of Baozi (some weird thing that is similar to a giant dumpling) use a cardboard paste to create the "bun".

"What's in the recipe?" the reporter asks. "Six to four," the man says.
"You mean 60 percent cardboard? What is the other 40 percent?" asks the reporter. "Fatty meat," the man replies.

The bun maker and his assistants then give a demonstration on how the product is made.

Squares of cardboard picked from the ground are first soaked to a pulp in a plastic basin of caustic soda -- a chemical base commonly used in manufacturing paper and soap -- then chopped into tiny morsels with a cleaver. Fatty pork and powdered seasoning are stirred in.

I don't know whether to be excited that this isn't happening here, or offended that this isn't happening here. I mean, I figure if anyone knows how to make good Chinese food, it's the Chinese. If cardboard makes for good dumplings then damn, I better be getting me some cardumplboards in my next take out box.

Lighting <3 iPod

CNN has a story about the potential danger of being struck by lighting while listening to your iPod.

"It's going to hit where it's going to hit, but once it contacts metal, the metal conducts the electricity," said Dr. Mary Ann Cooper of the American College of Emergency Physicians and an ER doctor at University of Illinois Medical Center at Chicago.

When lightning jumps from a nearby object to a person, it often flashes over the skin. But metal in electronic devices -- or metal jewelry or coins in a pocket -- can cause contact burns and exacerbate the damage.

Awesome. Now there goes another thing I can't do while outside during a lighting storm. I'll just add that to the list of playing golf, covering myself in tinfoil, climbing trees, climbing electrical towers, standing on the roof, playing with metal, and masturbating while lying on my back in a field. Yeah, it's that big.

Photog Attacked Over Rumer Willis?!

Two crazy guys attacked a papzi last night because they believed they were protecting Rumer Willis. It's actually really bad looking.



My question is, RUMER WILLIS!? Did they think Rumer was a girl? I mean men don't need protecting, men aren't afraid of anything. I'm sure Rumer is a big boy and would have been fine. I mean his dad is the Bruce Willis and his mom is Demi Moore, she's even bad ass for a chick. He would have been... oh. Oh no no. Rumer is a girl? A GIRL? With a vagina?! A real vagina?! OMG MY EYES.

Miss New Jersey or My Facebook Pics?

Miss New Jersey, whatever her name is, went on the Today Show today to reveal the pictures that a supposed "blackmailer" was going to release to the media unless she relinquished her crown.



Now, as I'm sure you got from the video, those pictures were pretty tame compared to the mouth on nippo action of another pageant girl we know (cough Katie Rees cough). I'm also pretty sure that those pictures are all located, in some form or another, within the digital confines of my facebook albums. These pictures look exactly like what my friends and I do on any regular drinking night (which usually happen Mon-Sun). If anything, our pictures are worse. So what did this "blackmailer" think he/she was gonna get out of this in the first place? Fame? Fortune? Anybody with a camera could go out to nearly any bar in the Dirty Jerz and take pics of drunk college girls taking advantage of each other. It's what they do! It's what we love.

The Price is Almost Right?

According to the New York Post, CBS has narrowed down the candidates to two, Mark Steines, co-host of Entertainment Tonight and Todd Newton of various E! and Game Show Network fame. Of course, CBS has refused to comment on such things.

"CBS would not confirm the status, or even the identities, of any candidates for the host job. Indeed, the network has been tight-lipped about the competition for the position, which could pay in the neighborhood of $3 million annually, sources estimate."

That's all good and what not, but will the legendary 70's inspired game show even be watchable without Bob and his harem of beauties? Only if, the price is right!

Harry's Magic

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix crushed the box office record for a Wednesday opening midnight run, bringing in $12 million according to Variety. It looks like it has a real good chance to break the overall Wednesday opening as well.

"In terms of the full day, the record for the biggest Wednesday opening is held by "Spider-Man 2," which made $40.4 million in 2004. Warner Bros. has a shot at nearing that record with "Phoenix," which bowed on a monstrous 4,285 screens domestically."

Like I previously stated, I saw the movie last night. It's fantastic. Don't listen to the lame reviews, if you are a Potter fan and can understand the concept of changing elements for movie flow, you will love it. In case you need some persuasion, here's the trailer!

Polls and Findsies!

As you can see by the column to the right, I Matt My Pants underwent a brief update. Now there will be a weekly poll on some type of something. Probably celebrity related. Probably TV related. Probably always fun.

Also, above that there is a new search feature that lets you search through anything and everything I've already posted. So if you're like my coworker X and you really need to see the Flight of the Conchord video again, just search for it and it will appear in the blog above the the newest post. Try it, it's rad.

Best Night Ever July 11th

Oh man, I was unable to catch any TV last night because I was sucked into the amazing world of wizards and witches in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, but it looks like I missed a doozy of a night. Luckily for me, and any of you that couldn't find a television around, Best Week Ever is here to save the day.



Synchronized Swimming, LOLORZ.

Harry Potter and the Awesome

For fear of ruining it for anyone, I won't reveal any spoilers. I will however say, if you are remotely interested in the books, go watch the film, it's awesome.

I will warn though, some things were altered to better fit a movie. I've talked to some fans that weren't too thrilled about it, but like my roommate Michelle pointed out, the movies are more of a supplement to those who have already read the books. We know what happens so it's no big deal. If they can make it easier to understand, or visual more interesting by altering it, they're going to. And plus, J.K. Rowling okays everything that happens in the movies, so deal with it.

When Rosie Attacks

Rosie O'Donnell launched an attack on her ex-costar, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, on a private cruise ship of about 1500 people. A Source told Us that Rosie brought out a giant picture of Hasselbeck doctored up like the devil and had a few choice words about The View co-host.

“Her only f--king credit was Survivor. Come on!”

She continued on ranting about how she didn't even have a fair fight because Hasselbeck was pregnant and she didn't want to argue with a pregnant person and that there just simply were not enough cupcakes on set to feed her ravenous hunger for those delightful, confectionery goodies.

The Emmy Leak

Last week The Envelope got a hold of the top 10 contenders for two of the categories for the Emmy Awards.

For Best Drama they are:

ABC's Boston Legal, Grey's Anatomy and Lost
NBC's Friday Night Lights and Heroes
Fox's House and 24
Showtime's Dexter
HBO's Rome and The Sopranos

The comedy finalists are:

ABC's Desperate Housewives and Ugly Betty
NBC's My Name Is Earl, The Office, Scrubs and 30 Rock
CBS' Two and a Half Men
HBO's Entourage and Extras
Showtime's Weeds

Because of the leak, it calls into question the security of the voting process and how it will be handled in the future. Though the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences declined to verify the list, they did give this statement,

"The Primetime Emmy nomination process should not be compromised by premature disclosure of nominations information prior to the announcement of the 59th Primetime Emmy Awards nominees on July 19," the statement read. "All television academy members who take part in the judging process are asked to sign a confidentiality agreement; the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences will not comment on any violations of that agreement or on any speculative reporting of nomination data."

According to CNN.com, the leak may have been the result of a change in voting procedure this year.

All I can say is I really hope 30 Rock wins best comedy. Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin are comedic gold.

Best.Night.Ever!

Max Silvestri of Best Week Ever has the low down on last night's best television moments. Though I didn't watch any TV last night because I was drowning my sorrows down at the bar, I did watch this. He gives some pretty damn good advice for the summer heat at the very end, which I plan on following today! Mmmm syrup.



Now make sure you watch TV tonight!

Get With the Program

The hilarious people over at Best Week Ever have come up with a nice way of showing us what are the best new shows on television. Michael Cyril Creighton gives us his synopsis of some great summer shows.




Please watch Flight of the Conchords! Even I've gotta start watching The Meadlowlands now!

Lady Posh and Lady Perez

Vicky Beckham really won some points from me. She knows that she's a robot and she's not afraid to talk about it. From her upcoming one hour NBC special, Victoria Beckham: Coming to America, Posh runs into Perez Hilton at a coffee shop and she actually makes fun of herself. I might actually watch this garbage.



The special airs Monday, July 18th at 8:00 pm.

They Flying High

Because my coworker X is obsessed with Flight of the Conchords (without ever seeing the show mind you. She's only been exposed to it from this blog), I figured I'd give her a little gift. Here's one of the songs from the 3rd episode "Mugged".



Hilarious.

Oh Nooooz!

Best Week Ever has found a video of a newscast that The Onion made for the Webby Awards and were nice enough to post it. It's a look at what would happen (read: look into the future when) if the internet broke. It's actually pretty acurate except I would hope they would play a marathon of America's Funniest People becuase I just can't get enough of Dave Coulier.



Breaking News: All Online Data Lost After Internet Crash

So Bad...But It's Funny!

You thought Scientology was bad before...


Now see what is so funny.

Box Office Rules

Tranformers just keeps raking it in. With the weekend, it's total revenue is now up to $152.5 million! I can't wait to see it. Ratatouille took second bringing it's grand total up to $109.5 million and my favorite movie of the summer (thus far) Live Free or Die Hard came in third raising it's total to $84.1 million. Here's the top 10.

1. Transformers - $67.6 million
2. Ratatouille - $29 million
3. Live Free or Die Hard - $17.4 million
4. License to Wed - $10.4 million
5. Evan Almighty - $8.1 million; 6. 1408, $7.1 million
7. Knocked Up - $5.2 million
8. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer - $4.15 million
9. Sicko - $3.65 million
10. Ocean's Thirteen - $3.5 million.

Surprise Surprsie Part 2

Live Earth averaged less than 3 million viewers according to Variety .

"Live Earth: The Concerts for a Climate in Crisis" averaged 2.7 million viewers from 8 to 11 p.m. on NBC, slightly below the 2.9 million that ABC averaged two years ago for its coverage of the Live 8 concerts. This left the net in fourth place for the night, lagging ABC's 3.4 million, Fox's 4.6 million and CBS' 5.2 million viewers.

Ouch Al Gore. At least some people watched it. I caught Luda's performance. It was pretty sub-par. He performed Usher's song Yeah and Fergie's song Glamorous - without either of the two artists.

Surprise Surprise

IMDB has a report on the ratings of Live Earth from the UK and what do you know:

Last weekend's Live Earth global music concert produced disappointing ratings figures in the U.K., where total viewers averaged barely a quarter of those who tuned in for the Concert for Diana a week earlier.

The BBC is saying it's because of the competing coverage of Wimbeldon, which is most likely true. Tennis is quite a bit more interesting then famous people getting preachy. Or it could also be because no one had ever heard of Live Earth over there until this report came out.

Best.Night.Ever.

Here's Best Week Ever's take on the best parts of last night's TV hits. How great is the Missy Elliott part?

My Dream

Finally, someone has created a flask large enough to sustain my extreme alcohol addiction. Behold, the gallon flask


The wonderful people at Orvis designed every alcoholics wet dream. Honestly, I don't think I could ask for a better gift. Imagine the bragging rights you'd get with that bugger!

Best.Idea.Ever.

This following video is the greatest idea for the 4th of July I have ever seen. It put our puny Roman Candle fight to shame. Now this is a man.

Cave Troubles

ABC's new show starring the Geico cave men mascots seems to have encountered some rocky terrain. One of the 3 cavemen from the pilot episode has been recast and the pilot has been put on hold until later in the season. Zap2it reports:

"Sam Huntington ("Superman Returns") has signed on to play Andy, one of the show's three modern-day cavemen, the younger brother to Bill English's Joel. Dash Mihok, who played the younger brother in the pilot, has been let go, according to The Hollywood Reporter.

ABC and the show's producers have also decided to shelve the pilot for now. The series premiere will be a not-yet-filmed episode focusing on the cavemen's back stories, which received almost no mention in the original pilot. The pilot will be held for later in the series, with Huntington reshooting the scenes that featured Mihok's character.

It sounds like ABC is making an intelligent decision with this one considering this is one of the worst pilots/ideas I've ever heard of. Sure the cavemen are fun for the Geico commercials, but that's because the Geico commercials are 30 seconds long. Not 30 minutes. Please ABC, you can do better.

24 In Trouble?

Fox's hit show 24 starring everyone's favorite TV action hero, Keifer Sutherland, is apparently in a little bit of trouble. After the 6th season deflated a lot of fans interest (myself included), it looks like the 7th is in for a rocky road as well. TMZ is reporting that Fox executives were not quite happy with the price tag attached to the locations.

According to Michael Ausiello of TV Guide, the show was supposed to shoot in South Africa, but Fox felt it to be too expensive. After staking out area's in LA and not finding anything that could substitute, they scrapped the whole thing.

This could spell trouble for a show that was, for a while, one of my top watched shows. Then the 6th season hit, I lot interest, and Heroes came on. Hopefully Jack Bauer will save day 7!

You Have Got To Be Kidding...

Apparently, Tori Spelling is now a reverend. I can only imagine what crossed her mind when she decided that this is what she wanted to do with her life. The real question is, what church decided that this would be a good idea?!

Flight of the Awesome.

Flight of the Conchords was on again last night and honestly, if you aren't watching this show, you aren't living. If you don't like this show, you have a humorless soul. Here's one of the songs from last night's episode.



The show airs Sunday nights at 10:30 on HBO after Crap from Cincinnati and Craptourage

Live What?

Live Earth happened this weekend. You are probably asking yourself what Live Earth is. If you had heard of it, you probably were thinking to yourself, "Oh! That happened already?" I will say I thought both of those things, even if that doesn't seem possible.

The reason is because Live Earth, the 7-continent spanning concert series that featured actors and musicians telling everyone to save energy and be aware of the environment, was one of the most terribly advertized events of the last century. My 23rd birthday party was more advertized than Live Earth and that's not even an age to really celebrate.

The point of the concert was also stupid. I get it, global warming is happening and we need to do something about it. But, instead of using the concert to raise money for something, anything, that could have helped, they chose to raise awareness instead. The last time I check, people had to be aware of the event before they could be aware of the message. Maybe they should have had a Live Earth is Coming Up On This Date concert to raise awareness for the date of the actual concert. Or maybe they shouldn't have done it at all - which would not have wasted electricity, water, gas, ozone, money, time, my sanity, etc. instead.

Walk It Out

I know that this has made its way around the internet regulars, but I just can't not display it. This mash up of Walk it Out and some funky fresh ladies in 70's outfits is awesome. What the hell are they really dancing to?!



My favorite part comes in with about 1:10 left in the video. THE HEAD TURN!

Best.Night.Ever. July 8th

Join Michael Cyril Creighton from Best Week Ever has he takes us through the best parts of television from last night. The clip that holds the number one spot is freaking hilarious. Enjoy!

Whirlwind Weekend

Well, it was a ridiculous weekend once again. Three parties. Three. Friday night, after I got home from work, my friend FB (Fucking Brian) was holding a small soiree at his house down the street for his birthday. By small I mean 2 kegs. Needless to say I got shitfaced. FB's roommate and good friend of mine, Mike, took to the beer pong table, only to be beaten once. This doesn't sound like a big deal, except for the fact that I am absolutely terrible at beer pong. For some reason though, I was on my game, as was Mike. Drunkybears ensued.

Saturday night, it was off to Long Valley with my beautiful friend Kate to visit her family and celebrate her new job. Congrats Pumpkin! Later in the evening it was off to her friend Erika's for a graduation party. Sherri and I got pickle juice all over us while we were jumping on the tramp.

Sunday was Heather's grad party, which featured a glorious selection of wonderful food, a Coldstone red velvet ice cream cake, and one of the greatest video montages I've ever seen -- and a tiny, tiny little dog.

All in all, it was an excellent weekend. I got to spend time with friend I don't get to see very often. B&H are always a party (or throwing one). Free food and drinks are amazing and I got to jump on a trampoline. What more could I ask for.

Congrats to Kate, Erika, and Heather and happy birthday Fucking Brian.

Graduation Nation

Congratulations Erika for graduatin'


And Congratulations Kate for getting a fun job!!!

Last Night

Fucking Brian had a birthday party last night. There were 2 kegs for about 15 people. Needless to say, I don't remember how I got home.

Here's to you Fucking. I hope you had a great birthday.

Birthday Wishes

Happy Birthday Fucking Brian.



And also, good luck tonight Apache Beat! Bring the house down!

Vicki Beckham Robs Ugly Betty

The Daily Mail is reporting that Posh Beckham is being paid a ridiculous amount of money to appear in 2 episodes of ABC's hit show Ugly Betty.

Victoria, 32, is to appear in two episodes - netting around £35,000 an episode for her work - and filming is due to start at the end of this month.

Well, at least I think she is. POUNDS?! I have know idea what that means in real money? For all I know that could mean she's being paid 12 pickles. Granted, because she is a robot she would not eat them, but instead destroy them, like most robots do to things. But, since I hear that real money (aka: the dollar) is falling in value agains the £, I have to guestimate that she's being paid in beats. Because everyone knows beets are better than pickles. Screw pickles.

Makeup of THE FUTURE

BEHOLD: THE FUTURE OF LIPGLOSS


I don't really know all that much about makeup, not gonna lie. One of the few things I do know is that some girls look great without it and others look like uggos. Creepy pasty uggos.

If you fit into the second category, especially in you lip area, then you should try this lip gloss of the future. My coworker X has a bottle (not that she needs it at all, she's actually quite stunning to the point that when she puts on the gloss, it brings her down a bit, but it makes her happy so...)

This crazy thing comes equipped with a light AND a mirror for those times when you are caught in a rape ally with a molester and you need to freshen up before he violates you.

Thank You Best Week Ever

First, click here and read Best Week Ever's take on the newest box office bomb License to Wed.

Three reasons I love this.
1. The people that run Best Week Ever are hilarious. Everything they write I usually laugh out loud at while sitting at my desk.
2. They like to abbreviate words for no real reason, which, if you know me, is something that I have been doing for a while now and all of my friends HATE it. Thankfully, people that I look up to do it as well, which means it's okay! Kind of like all the cocaine my parents do!
3. The advice they give to Mandy Moore is priceless. Though, I will say that she was very, very good in Saved!

Eva No Longer Desperate

TMZ has the first shots of Eva Longoria's wedding with basketball star Tony Parker. They wed in Paris with a simple civil marriage at the 4th District Town Hall.

Tomorrow though, that's when the doozy of a wedding comes. They are getting married in a chateau and the only people that are being given permission for pictures is OK! Magazine. FOR OVER $2 MILLION DOLLARS. Cripes.

Clay Aiken: The Most Terrifying Concert Of All

Clay Aiken was taped at one of his "concerts" performing covers of various songs ranging from, get this: Like a Virgin, Oop...I Did it Again, and Baby Got Back among others. Below is the video.



The last 25 seconds are by far the best and most horrifying.

First the Zorse

Okay science, or mother nature, or whoever it is that's screwing with these animals, please stop. First off we had the zorse. A terrifying creature through and through. Now we apparently have an octosquid. Off the coast of Hawaii, scientists are studying a specimin found that appears to be half octopus, half squid. WHEN WILL THE MADNESS END?!

"Workers call the latest find an "octosquid." It has the body of a squid and the tentacles of an octopus."

I'm warning you all. The piranapotamusisn't that far off. And then we'll see who's laughing.

Best Night Ever: Thursday July 5th

Here's a fun little feature that the crazies over at Best Week Ever do after each night of quality television; they make fun of it! So without further ado, here are the best clips from Thursday night TV



Hopefully I will start putting these up here more regularly.

Claire Bear Sings

Not going to lie, I'm mildly obsessed with Hayden Panetierre. Above is her singing.

Drop Dead Fred

After I got done watching the brief marathon of Hey Paula, I was flipping through the millions of movie channels that my apartment is graced with. What to I happen to find that has just started? Why one of my very good friend's favorite movies: Drop Dead Fred. It truly is a wonderful movie. And really, Phoebe Cates is beautiful. For your enjoyment, here's the scene where Drop Dead Fred comes back from his long slumber.



Oh Snot Face.

Hey Paula

I'm currently watching the show Hey Paula on Bravo and honestly, this is the best show on television right now. Paula Abdul is one of the most ridiculous reality stars I've ever watched. The episode I am watching right now is from the time when she did this:



After that interview everyone and their mother was accusing her of being a drunk, drug pusher. It's actual kinda sad because Paula seems like a nice and fun loving crazy person. That's it. She's not a addict, she's just crazy... Which, I'm kind of attracted to. I have a thing for the crazies. And zombies.

Anywho, I highly recommend you watch Bravo on Thursday nights at 10pm for the this summers biggest guilty pleasures!!! Watch the commercials below!

iPhone Soup

You gotta love The Soup. It really is one of the funniest shows on TV. Here's their take on the wonderful features of the iPhone:

Finally, the Greatest Pizza Place...Ever.

In Winnipeg, Canada, some brite young man has created the best pizza parlor in the world: Porno Pizza. According to the CBC this pizza place caters to those over 18.

"Patrons must be 18 years and older to order from Porno Pizza, which delivers pornographic material inserted under every pizza."

Okay, honestly, how could this be remotely bad? Pizza and boobs. Two of life's greatest offers. All they need now is to deliver beer and I'm pretty sure I'm moving to Canada.

EXLUSIVE: Rachael Ray A-Okay

Perezhilton has a posting up that Rachael Ray is this close to filing for divorce from her husband. Perez needs to get his information straight because avery close and very reliable source exclusively reveals to me that:

"...they just scheduled a second honeymoon vacation for this september!"

None of Rachael's close people know anything otherwise. Stay tuned for more info as it develops.

Please No

God please help us.

NBC's Bionic Woman

As you all probably know, NBC is bringing back the classic TV series The Bionic Woman this fall season. At first I was pretty disappointed in the Peacock's decision considering they already have a "superhero" show out right now. That being Heroes. Then I saw the first trailer and even less enthused. Now though, NBC has release a longer trailer that gives us a better look to the series. After watching it, I'm pretty pumped. A bionic woman cat fight?! Count me in! Check it out and let me know what you think.

HARRY POTTER

Okay, I'm a huge Harry Potter fan. It's really the only books I've ever read. I'm not ashamed. Anyway, I recently purchased Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix for Wii and though it's really not all that great of a game, I couldn't help myself. Waving the Wiimote around like a wand is awesome. AWESOME. It makes me just wish I was Harry Potter.

Also, you can catch an excluisve clip of the new movie (which hits theatres on July 13th) at empireonline.

Other's Agree

Other's agree Perez.

The returns for Clarkson's new album were quite respectable given the waves of poor publicity that preceded its release. "My December" managed to top the first-week sales for Clarkson's smash "Breakaway" album despite early reports that RCA execs didn't like the material, as well as the cancellation of her summer tour.

Tool.

Robots Love July 4th

Transformers opened this last Tuesday and pretty much demolished box office records. The 80's cartoon remake, directed by Michael "Explosions!!!!!!" Bay, raked in over $27 million, beating the previous Tuesday opening record holder, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, which had just over $15 million.

In addition, the "Transformers" Tuesday ranks as the 20th highest grossing opening day of all time, according to the BoxOfficeMojo website, though it was only the fifth highest grossing opening day of the year, behind the launches for "300," "Shrek the Third," "Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" and "Spider-Man 3."

That makes me excited. Even though it's getting pretty harsh reviews, my inner child-of-the-80's can't help but beg to see this movie. It's about robots. That can turn into things. And they fight. Explosions. Who wants to go see it tonight??!?!?!?

Perez Blows Goats

Perez Hilton, Negative Nancy extraordinaire, posted a bloated and exaggerated complaint towards Kelly Clarkson again. Surprise surprise. For some reason the overly vocal (and usually bitchy) blogger is being overly critical of someone he has found to hate. Clarkson's new album My December came in second after it's first week available with 291,000 copies. OMG SECOND??!?!? I QUIT LIFE AHHHH.

Or at least Mr. (Mrs. ?) Hilton would have you believe. Breakaway, Clarkson's sophomore album came in THIRD only selling 250,000 copies. And the best part of that is, RCA, her record label was fully behind Breakaway throwing out big advertising bucks to make sure it was promoted. After the ridiculously uncalled for controversy surrounding her new album, which caused RCA to pull advertising and promotions, Kelly's album STILL DID BETTER THAN HER PREVIOUS EFFORT.

So big fucking deal Perez, your vagina hurts because you can't get over the fact that someone you obviously don't like is doing better than you wanted. Go blow yourself.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMERICA

It's the 4th of July and it's time to celebrate the birthday of America!!

Okay, that was my bad. Happy 4th of July everyone.

Sex and the Theatre

Finally, the world can release its collective breath because the Sex and the City movie has finally been given the go. It is reported that all 4 of the bitches from the show have signed the contract to star in the big screen adaptation of the series.

Wonderful. I mean before I got to watch 4 partially attractive pre-menopausal women bitch to each other about their sex lives on the small screen. NOW, I get to watch 4 less attractive post-menopausal women bitch to each other about their sex lives on the big screen. Christmas is coming early folks.

Cats Can Be Silly

This is in my top 5 favorite internet videos of all time. Turn up the volume so you can hear the noise it makes. I can't help but laugh every single time.



This example above is one of the very few times I've been amused by a cat.

Photoshop Makes You Better

I know this has been floating around the interwebs for a while now, but I still can't get over it. This is a compilation of images edited by photoshop.


Extreme Photo Retouching - Watch more free videos

Now if we could only find the technology to do this to real uggos instead of their pictures.

Tracy Jordan

I was never a huge fan of Tracy Morgan when he was on SNL, but since he has joined the cast of 30 Rock, I just can't get enough of him...

Take this nice little story for example.

Flight of the Awesomes

My roommates and I have become addicted to the new HBO show Flight of the Conchords. It's about two New Zealand guys that move to New York to try to make it big as musicians. They base the show off of their music which is damn funny. Here is one of the songs that they did on the show last night in it's "live" form. It's a little different than the TV shows version, but still very funny. There ain't no party like my Nana's tea party!

Britney Loves Dogs More Than Children

Britney Spears was spotted this weekend buying a dog. She honestly went out and bought a dog.

On Saturday, leaving her brassiere back at the shack, the pantyflasher donned a vomitacious headband/weave-tamer, a pink cotton nightie, high heels, and sunglasses repurposed from the tinted rear windows of a gangsta's Escalade -- and stopped by a pet shop to buy a dog.

She has two (2) children. Two children she has yet to take care of herself and she goes out and buys a dog? I'm pretty sure Britney has forgotten about her kids yet still has this weird motherly instinct floating around in her so she goes out and buys animals. Animals that she will eventually forget about and let die. It's a vicious cycle.

Pixar Pulls the Win

Pixar's new animated feature Ratatouille raked in $47.2 million this weekend which was enough to nab the #1 spot at the box office. Live Free or Die Hard brought in $33.1 million raising it's gross to $48.2 million and snagging second place.

For the rest of the weekend box office, click here.

My roommates Dan, Michelle, Michelle's friend from home Mel and I all went to see Die Hard yesterday afternoon. It was one of the most fun movie experiences I have ever had. Not only was the movie pretty good, but everyone in the theatre seemed just as pumped to see it as we did. People were clapping, yelling, and laughing at anything and everything awesome that happened during the film. We even had this crazy man behind us that laughed at the opening of a can of soda and at other parts that weren't even funny. If you are in the mood for a good, solid action flick, please, do yourself a favor and go see it. Bruce Willis does some good ol' fashion ass-kicking, and it's awesome.

Idiots and iPhones

My roommate Dan sent me this video today and it really gave me a good chuckle. Watch it and see just how dumb some people are.



As Dan said in our AIM convo:

"i'm gonna buy 100,000 dollars in iphones", Bullshit bitch

Haha, stupid people.

My Apologies

It was the 2nd anniversary of my 21st birthday yesterday which is the reason for my lack of postings this weekend. I'll be back up and running later today.


Thanks to everyone who came and made my birthday the best one I've ever had. I love my friends.