Wednesday, January 5, 2011

HOARDERS: Hanna/Kathy & Gary - If An Animal Dies in a Foot and a Half Below its Own Feces, Does Anyone Miss It?

this is my actual dog.
::DISCLAIMER:: Friendships. Do you have pets? You do! Wonderful. My family has a pet dog named Bo. He is great. He sleeps curled up in a ball like a small dog would even though he's a big dog. He's super awesome. I bet all of you love your pets too, don't you? Dogs, cats, birds, hamsters, etc. There are so many kinds of pets and they are all amazing creatures that God put on this earth to make us smile when they are around.

That being said, along with all the feelings you are currently experiencing pertaining to your loving, adorable, cuddly pets, please do NOT read the rest of this post regarding Monday night's episode of HOARDERS. It was nearly too much nearly. And I LuRvE watching Hoarders, L.O.V.E. it. I love seeing people being swallowed by their own inability to rid themselves of anything. What I do not love, is sad animals. This episode was all about sad animals. And also the worst human beings you will ever not meet because you are seeing them on television. ::END DISCLAIMER::







ZOMG HOARDERS!!!!!!
Go put on your poop-walkin' shoes, cuz we gon' rabbit huntin' after the break...



Hanna - Vienna, IL

I'll make this introduction easy, and just quote Hanna herself...
whuuuuthefuuuuu...
Hanna is a hoarder of everything but her own teeth. I'm not even gonna get into how barf her house is. It's barf. Picture every house you've ever seen on Hoarders. Done. Problem is, Hanna doesn't think she has a problem. Doesn't even really see an issue with the way she's living. She lives how she lives. And that would be in a single wide trailer with a trajillion chickens kept in bins with grates over top of them because her house is too full of everything she's never thrown away. Hoarder. Fine.

The real problem though, is the other more obvious/blatant/awful issue: Hanna's failure to see how terrible EVERY SINGLE ANIMAL ON HER FARM IS DOING. Chickens, ducks, turkeys, goats, dogs, cats, etc... it's like Satan's version of Noah's Ark.
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why is the caged bird dying?
puking.

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it's like bird methface
How could you possibly make this situation any worse? You add in Hanna's children. Of which she has SIXTEEN. Of which only TEN are still alive. Nothing is ever mentioned why there are SIX dead children, but two of the daughters mention PLENTY of physical abuse. Awesome -too glamorous, but you get the idea.

Which after seeing the size of this woman's arms, I'm pretty sure was like being hit with a leg of lamb cow hippo.
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Hoarding Growth Hormone
So, Hanna's yelling and screaming in a dialect that makes the cast of Deliverance sound like they attended the school for the gifted, her daughters are yelling and screaming, her animals are yelling and screaming for their lives, and poor Dr. Zasio and Saint Matt Paxton are stuck in the middle just trying to make sure some of those animals make it to the next day alive.
the most patient man alive

Normally, the hoarding specialists will get to the bottom of just what the root of all the hoarding is. With Hanna, it's just breezed over when a info-screen appears saying "After her kids were taken away in 1983, Hanna started to hoard things and animals." Even the editors of the show knew their was no salvaging Hanna. She's deplorable.

Image and video hosting by TinyPicEven when Animal Control came in and would have OBVIOUSLY taken every single one of those animals away and put each and every one of them down because they look like that goat with the raptor foot, Dr. Zasio and Saint Matt Paxton convinced them to leave and let their own animal team work with her to help. NOPE. Hanna didn't want ANY THING TO DO WITH IT.

The whole cleaning process obviously goes incredibly terrible the whole time. Hanna constantly yells at Saint Matt Paxton and Dr. Zasio, she yells at her daughters, she hits and pushes her daughters. Just miserable. She finally gives up a few of the absolute sickest animals, but that's only after one of the chickens LITERALLY DIES in the arms of an animal team member. IT IS SO SICK AND STARVING THAT IT GIVES UP LIVING IN THE ARMS OF A PERSON BECAUSE IT KNOWS ITS NOT WORTH IT.
rip poor chicken friend
This was also after Saint Matt Paxton discovered a bird that had died under TWO FEET OF ITS OWN FECES. HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN? How does something get buried in its own sh*t?
rip other poor chicken friend
Eventually, the house was cleaned out enough that Hanna could move back into it so she didn't freeze to death during the winter out in her single-wide trailer. She refused to take any of the after-care help that was offered to her and she never, ever admitted to having any sort of problem or to being a demon. You may be unsatisfied with how it all ended, I know I was. But then I thought back to what her oldest daughter Becky her daughter that was repeatedly abused, don't forget said and it really put a nice button on the whole saga...

Snaps for Becky.

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Gary & Kathy - Streetsboro, OH

Let's just get right into this one friendships. Reason's why Gary is the most worstly terrible person ever to be on Hoarders:

1. He hoards bunnies. Cute, innocent, God's cotton-balls, bunnies amongst other things - other things being trash.
2. He's unemployed AND seems very content to never work again.
3. He's mean to his poor, sick, fat wife. And I mean mean - in a 'keep her submissive because I'm manipulative and lazy and don't want her to think for herself' sort of mean.
4. He acts like a child.
5. He runs away and sulks/hides/complains anytime he's faced with anything difficult.
6. He's pissed about having the bunnies, but gets even more pissed when they finally come to take them away.
7. He's got frog-neck. Not really a reason to hate him I know, but just look at it.
8. The house that he's let get DESTROYED by his sh*tting-bunnies isn't even his own. HE RENTS IT.
9. He says this about his walks-with-a-cane-wife: "with her walking, to me, you're stretching your muscles and getting a good work out" in reference to all the boxes/garbage/trash she has to walk around.
10. He throws a water bottle at the back of his wife's head while she's trying to help the sorting.
11. He claims he's been trying to get rid of the bunnies for "close to two years". You know how hard it is to get rid of bunnies? YOU THROW THEM OUTSIDE. DONE AND DONE.

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If a guy can be the c-word, then that's exactly what Gary is. At one point during his interview Gary says: "This is unhealthy?! Well, you know what... I'd like to see how you live." I can tell you this Gary... there's not a single "bunnie" turd on any floorspace in my house.

The cleanup at Gary and Kathy's is pretty miserable too. Gary never helps. The hoarding is so bad that Gary and Kathy use their telephones to talk to each other so they don't have to walk around in the filth.

The entire first day is basically wasted catching and caging all the damn bunnies why does everyone keep calling them bunnies? no one ever says "rabbits". The second day, Kathy does her best to sort through stuff while Gary plays some Bejeweled knock off on his fat ass all day.

At one point during the cleanup, an army of mice is discovered and the crew has to chase/capture all of them slowing down the process.
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By the end of the last day, the house had been cleaned as best it could. The landlords that don't seem to understand the concept that their house had been destroyed agree to let Gary and Kathy continue to stay there as long as they keep cleaning. WHAT?! If I came over and saw my rental unit like that, I'd burn the damn place down with both of them AND all their rabbits bunnies in it. Problem solved.

Whatever. In the end, 26 bunnies were taken from Gary. Twenty-sh*ttin-six. Gary and Kathy had accepted the after-care help and were both in therapy. Yikes.

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I'm warn out. Too much. All those dying/dead/flat animals. :( And next week's episode looks even worse! A RAT HOARDER. Yep, sign me up to shoot myself.

I leave you with these two pictures from the episode.......

Hanna's gonna getchu!

why yes Rachel Dratch's worn-down twin sister who works for animal control, I feel the same way...

GOODNIGHT.


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